For Alexis

One of my dearest and best friends laid a daughter to rest today. Alexis was thirteen years old and was killed in a car accident the day after Christmas. She was on her way home after seeing family in Wisconsin. Alexis left behind so many people who loved her. I did not know Alexis all that well, but have known her stepmother, Amanda, for as long as I can remember. Amanda loved Alexis as her own and is devastated by her loss as is the entire family and community. I pray for peace and light for all who are missing Alexis.

As I get older death becomes so much more tragic and confusing to me...especially the death of a child. I can't imagine losing a child. The mere thought takes my breath away. Alexis' death has left me with so many questions regarding my faith. I consider myself a Christian though I am not actively working on my relationship with the Lord. I haven't stepped foot in a church since Thomas and Elizabeth were christened last Christmas Eve. I do pray daily, but they are quick prayers here and there throughout the day....not real conversations with God. I begin praying when I lay my head down at night, but I always fall asleep somewhere between "Dear Heavenly Father" and "Amen." Maybe my lack of a spiritual life is the reason I have so many questions. I don't know.

Alexis' death was a complete accident. My biggest question is does God cause accidents? He has the power to stop them from happening, right? I have never believed that God is the puppet master and controls every aspect of life on earth though He most definitely could. Such control would be no fun, right? Isn't it more rewarding for Him to see His children practice free will and still choose Him and His way? Since He didn't stop the accident why didn't he save Alexis? Did God know at the moment Alexis was conceived that she would die in a car accident.......or was it just an accident that resulted in God wanting to take her to be with Him?

The Bible says that we are not to ask why.......but how much of it does God decide? I know He decides who, but does He always decide how and when or does He just let life happen?

I have been thinking about Alexis' tragic death in two ways......1) There is so much life she will never experience....no first date.....no driver's license.......no prom....no high school graduation. The list is endless and heartbreaking. 2) There are so many grown-up disappointments she will never have to endure. Alexis left this world with her innocence. Don't all adults long for childhood innocence at some point in their lives?

I know the Atwill family will forever have a hole in their hearts from the loss of Alexis, but I also know that heaven has gained an angel.

Peace and light to you, Alexis.